SEXUALITYIN MARRIAGE: SEXUALITY AND AGING
The sexuality of older people has only recently begun to receive attention. The prevalent view has seemed to be that sex is the prerogative of the young, that older people do not participate in or enjoy sex and if they do, such activity is ridiculous, embarrassing, or downright obscene. In May 1974, however, the SI EC US Report published a policy statement on sex and aging: “Aging people are too often deprived of opportunities for sexual companionship and expression, which they need despite unscientific beliefs to the contrary. Society has an obligation to create conditions conducive to the fulfillment of these needs”. In a recent issue of the SIECUS Report published a policy statement on sex and aging: “Aging people are too often deprived of opportunities for sexual companionship and expression, which they need despite unscientific beliefs to the contrary. Society has an obligation to create conditions conducive to the fulfillment of these needs”. In a recent issue of the SIECUS Report, Alex Comfort expanded on that statement, presenting some facts about sexuality in older people along with some suggestions for alleviating problems, many of which are the result of ignorance, superstition, and prejudice against the elderly.
Changes in sexual physiology occur with aging in both sexes. Some of these are in common and are related to the general effects of aging: strength and energy are reduced, and body responses are generally slowed and attenuated. However, both men and women continue to respond as before, though frequency and intensity of sexual response are reduced. Both remain capable of orgasm. Exceptions to this are produced by factors other than normal physiology, that is, loss of orgasmic capacity is not an inevitable part of aging.
Most studies support the idea that women have a more stable sex drive than men have and that it is less susceptible to the effects of aging. Although many men remain potent and sexually active into their eighties, impotence is a common problem after middle age. Studies of sexual inadequacy revealed that 83% of the impotent males were past forty years of age, and 75% were past fifty (Masters and Johnson, 1968). There are a number of reasons for male impotence, such as the ego-shattering “fear of failure” which sometimes leads men to seek newer or younger partners to reassure them of their virility. Since women often marry men who are older than they are, it is inevitable that some who are still as interested as ever in sex will find themselves with a husband who has withdrawn from sexual activity or is directing it elsewhere. Also, some husbands in the older age groups may have physical problems or disabilities associated with advancing age which may make their accustomed form of sexual activity impossible. Still, Comfort reports studies showing that as many as one-third of men past seventy are still sexually active. It appeared that those most active as youths continued to be active longer in their later years, but those with a low sex drive in their younger years were less likely to be having sex as they grew older.
Most important to sexual behavior in older women is the availability of a partner and the opportunity for regular sexual expression (Williams). With these, many women in their fifties and sixties have an increased interest in their sexuality for a number of reasons. The cessation of the menses brings a freedom from fear of pregnancy, so that the woman, perhaps for the first time, can abandon herself to the enjoyment of sex without apprehension. This release from “pregnancy phobia” is probably one of the most plausible reasons for increased sexual interest given by postmenopausal women who did not have effective birth control methods available to them in their reproductive years. The problems which may beset a young marriage, such as finances, in-laws, and adjustment to the marital relationship, all may be in the past. For both members of the couple the draining demands of having and rearing children, and of establishing and succeeding in a job or career, may no longer exhaust and preoccupy them, leaving more time and energy for the renewal of interest in each other.
Sviland has described a “sexual liberation” program for elderly couples with basically sound marriages who want to get rid of their inhibitions and to increase their repertoire of sexual behavior. The program focuses on attitude restructuring and relationship enhancement. The therapist gives permission for sexual curiosity and exploration, and gives exercises designed to replicate the fun of dating, such as candlelight dinners, love notes, and making love by the fireplace. She reports that the program has changed attitudes and behavior within weeks, helping couples to communicate, to increase intimacy, and to enjoy without guilt sexual pleasures usually restricted to youth.
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